Remember, O Thou Man: The Lenten Nature of Food Allergies

The Grim Writer, who is happily back from her hiatus, had the great idea of having some Lent in the blogosphere! And it just turned out that I was going to post on Wednesday this week, which makes it Ash Wednesday, and it's perfect! Happy Ash Wednesday! Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return!

If you'd like to join in with this whole shebang, you can find Grim's original post here! 

(I am too cheerful today! I love Lent!)

Anywho.

What I'm going to talk about today is something that I don't know if I've ever mentioned on the blog...my food allergies. I know that doesn't sound especially Lenten, but bear with me.

I've been diagnosed with food allergies since I was 1 year old, and I broke out in hives when my mom kissed me on the cheek after eating a peanut butter sandwich. My allergies have fluctuated a bit over the years, but at the moment, I'm allergic to eggs, peanuts, legumes (most beans, chickpeas, lentils), soy/tofu, and tuna. 

Of those allergies, eggs, peanuts, chickpeas, and tofu (haven't experimented with other types of soy) are severely anaphylactic, meaning that if I get even a little bit of that food, my throat will start to close up, and I won't be able to breathe. Depending on the food, I may also have stomach pain, swell up like a balloon, or get hives all over my body. If I catch it early enough, I can usually stop the reaction with a benadryl, but I do carry two epi-pens. Just in case. 

As you might be able to tell, it's a life-threatening condition.

I've had four allergic reactions since getting to college.

One was because I trusted that the allergy meals I was getting were really allergen-free (they weren't).
One was because I trusted that the labels on the main food line were accurate, and ignored the tingling of my mouth that told me otherwise.
One was because I was trying to prove someone wrong--they said the allergen wasn't in their mom's version of the food. I ate it. It was, in fact, in the cafeteria's version of the food. 
One was because I thought a food I'd eaten before would be fine if I ate it again, even though it wasn't technically safe.

"Samantha", you may be thinking, "how exactly does this tie in with Lent?"

Well, four of the big things associated with Lent are fasting, sin & repentance, humility, and memento mori, remembering our own death. And allergies help me with all of those things. Lemme show you how...

Fasting

One of the things that I learned at a young age--one that I don't ever remember not knowing--is that sometimes, I can't eat food. Sometimes I can't eat food that I really want to eat. Sometimes I can't eat any food at an event at all. I know that sounds basic, but it's not a message that every kid gets. 

And I really think that has stood me in good stead, because even though that's motivated by the fact that sometimes, if I ate the thing, I might die, it still trained me to have self-control around food. I can't just grab a cookie from the table while Mom's not looking, I can't just get a donut from Sunday School, and so on. Dessert is negotiable, because I can't usually eat it, so, a lot of the time I just don't eat it (or at least, not with everyone else). And that's useful to me now, because...just because something looks delicious doesn't mean that I necessarily should eat it, even if I can. And that's a lesson that took some time to develop, as well, but the seeds were sown by allergies.

It's also, more or less, a constant penance for the foods that I remember liking. Even if I could eat eggs or peanuts (my longest-running allergies), I would probably find them gross, just because I have a trained aversion. But chickpeas? I LOVED chickpeas. Falafel, hummus, just plain from the can...give me all the chickpeas. And so, the fact that I can't eat them now...it's harder than for the other foods, and that really is a penance that I can carry everywhere, a penance that I can offer up, if I remember to do so. 

So, those two considerations have really helped me with fasting. I can't always eat food, even when I want it--that's the basis of fasting, if you think about it. So, I've had lots of practice. (Not to say it's not still hard. It's just easier than it would've been, I think.)

The Wages of Sin is Death

I don't know if you noticed, but one of the allergic reactions I talked about was a direct result of pride, and another one was of gluttony (the food was good, even if my mouth was tingling...and that has happened to me far more times than it should've). 

For me, for many sins that are related to food, death isn't just a distant consequence of sin--yeah, sure, original sin, you'll die, whatever--but death is the direct consequence. You wanted to show off that you were right by eating something you're allergic to? Here's some potential death. You were indulging in gluttony? Here's some potential death. As Romans 6:23 says, "the wages of sin is death", quite literally in this case. 

It's kind of like the difference between telling a little kid "if you punch mommy, she'll give you a time-out", and telling a little kid "if you touch the stove, it'll burn you". Everyone else is the first little kid--wages of sin is death, yeah, sure--and I'm the second little kid. I get burned. It might seem unfair...but in some ways, I need that in order to grow in virtue, because I am a stubborn, stubborn person. XD 

Humility

Speaking of virtue...let's talk about humility for a minute. 

If I had my druthers, I'd not depend on anyone at all. That's just my natural inclination, and the lesson that I really do need to depend on people is one that I need to learn over...and over, and over, and over. 

Even beyond my allergies' consequences for some of my prideful actions, it forces me to grow in humility by depending on people. I almost always have to ask for help with food things, unless I'm at home. I have to bother people with "what's in this?", or, "can I look at the package?" and I have to talk to strangers a lot, and sometimes I have to ask people not to eat things near me. And it drives me insane. I'd much rather not discommode people, I'd rather not talk to people, I'd rather not need help from strangers. There have been times where I'd've gone hungry rather than ask for help, except that sometimes a good friend (Frodo) forced helped me go talk to the food people.

But it's been good. If I didn't have to do any of those things, I'd never have learned to do any of those things, and then if I needed to...I just wouldn't. Even though I do need to, sometimes I just don't, and then I go hungry, and it's not a good situation. 

I have to be humble and ask for help, and be ok with being *that person* who needs extra help, when everyone else wishes they could just get their food, or *that person* who brought their own food and looks a little rude, or *that person* who can't eat anything at all and makes everyone uncomfortable, and that helps me remember, "oh yeah, I'm not actually self-sufficient". And also, I'm really a very small, insignificant person, in the grand scheme of things. I'm not perfect, I'm not awesome, I'm just one of God's creatures, and a weak one at that.

Another thing that's (potentially) incredibly humbling--recently, I realized that, should I ever marry someone, they'd have to give up peanuts entirely, and eggs as well, to a certain extent. (They could eat eggs still, just not kiss me afterwards. XD) So, that man would have to be willing to give up foods--permanently--in order to marry me. I'm not sure if I can express why that's humbling besides that it's incredibly self-sacrificial, but it really is humbling.

Memento Mori

Lastly, people know that death is near and coming for all of us. But they try to forget about it, I think, even the Christians. It could come any day, to any one of us, and no one wants to think about that. 

But I...sometimes have to. Every single day, every single meal, every time I put food in my mouth, is a reminder that I could die. Do I think about this every time? Not by a long shot. But I certainly think that I think about it more than most people. (Especially at breakfast, where there's a possibility of egg contamination in almost everything. Good morning--I might die. *slightly too bright smile*) 

Especially since all of my allergic reactions, I remember that something that most people don't think twice about--eating--could kill me, and it's possible that no one could do anything to stop it. Not everyone is trained on how to use epi-pens. Not everyone would know what to do if I passed out, and 911 could be too slow. (Hm. This is a good reminder that I need to remind some of my friends how to use my epi-pens.)

Who knows. A friend of mine joked the other day that we should get a picture together before I died from something I ate. (Which, we really should...XD) (I joked right back "Do you have some devious plot I should know about?" I'd be easier to poison that anyone else I know, too, so that's a fun thing. There was no devious plot.)

It's just a constant fact of life. I hope I don't die from it--that would be most unpleasant, and with very little time for Last Rites--but it's a constant possibility.

In sum...I don't need a skull on my desk to remember death.

So, do you want allergies now? 

Just kidding. It's not something I'd wish on my worst enemy...but I'm pretty sure it's something that God has given me for my sanctification, and I'm grateful to Him for it.

Happy Lent!

Do you have food allergies? Any food that you especially love that I can't eat? XD Are you doing anything special for Lent this year?