Chivalry, Protectiveness, and Different Kinds Of Strength (ft. more about Hadestown)

(Image credit to owner)

It has come to my attention that because I'm crap at intros, I've just been skipping them. And I'm sure this is irritating, but hey. I don't know what to say in an introduction to a post. Like. Hi. I'm here. I want to talk about Hadestown. I hope you enjoy. (And...this is why I don't write introductions.)

One of the things which struck me most when I was watching Hadestown (on Broadway! I am still not over this! I'm sorry, because I'm sure it's obnoxious!) was the way the physical relationship between Orpheus and Eurydice worked. 

First of all, their first duet, when she's singing "all I've ever known is how to hold my own/Now I want to hold you, too", despite the words, or maybe in addition to them, she's still skittish. She's never been held by or held a man in her life, and she's not sure...she doesn't know what it's like, it feels dangerous. And Orpheus lets her waffle a little. He lets her know that he wants to hold her, he pursues her, but he lets her duck out, he doesn't try to grab her. And it felt so true to me, both her fear, and his accommodation. It was really sweet. 

But that's not especially the point of this post. So, second of all...

Whenever there was something dangerous going on, Orpheus would take Eurydice and hold her. Just, there, with his arms around her, either from the front, or the back. And it was THE SWEETEST. He wanted to protect her. He wanted her to know that he was there. He wanted to be sure that nothing would happen to her. 

Sometimes, he'd even get himself in between her and whatever was threatening, either pushing her behind him, or while holding her, shifting his body between her and danger.

And she, on the other hand, welcomed his arms, and when something was very menacing, would often hide her face in his chest. 

This wasn't just a one-time thing...it happened several times through the course of the musical. 

And it surprised me in a really good way. Not just because, um, it was adorable. (Which it was.) But also, because in this day and age, it's not especially "correct" for a man to try to protect a woman. It's not "correct" for a woman to admit that she'd like that kind of comfort...or that a man is stronger than her and actually able to protect her. (But see, men are physically stronger than women 90% or more of the time. This is just a fact.)

And yet, here, in a Broadway musical, is a man physically protecting a woman, and her welcoming this from him. 

Obviously, he fails sometimes. He's human, and not especially strong in virtue, as I talked about in this post. He could have protected her physically in a different way, by making sure she had food and fire at the end of the first act, so she didn't end up going down to Hadestown. 

And even when he doesn't fail, he has limits. One of my favorite motifs in the musical comes in in the beginning and then is brought back towards the end--in the beginning, she wants a promise that "you'll hold me forever...the wind will never change on us...we'll stay with each other...it'll always be like this". But after her trials in the Underworld, when he comes to rescue her (okay, and can we acknowledge how cute it is when the "come home with me" motif is reintroduced? It's ADORABLE), she's changed. They've both changed. They know that no matter what happens, tomorrow is never guaranteed. So, he acknowledges that he can't promise her any of those things, except to "walk beside you, love, anyway the wind blows". And she says in return, "[I just] need a steady hand to hold...just walk beside me love, any way the wind blows." 

She knows he isn't perfect, but he is the Strong Protector, and she wishes for and welcomes his physical protection. Even when the world is uncertain...maybe especially when the world is uncertain.

This post is mostly meant to be me rambling about how beautiful his protection of her is, and how much we need chivalry in today's world, BUT there is a fun twist here that I'd like to note. As I talked about a little bit in my last Hadestown post, she takes a hand in protecting him--or trying to--as well. Just not physically. She's his backup, his source of strength, especially mentally. She can get him out of his feelings of self-doubt and even self-loathing at times, she can see the best in him, and she brings that out in him. Which cultivation of the best in him is, I think a manifestation of feminine genius. But THAT is a major tangent. ;) 

Back to chivalry. I think that even though the world in general denies that women can't do anything that men can do (something blatantly false, even if you just look at men's vs. women's sports), masculine care and tenderness (expressed in physical care, usually) is something the feminine heart longs for. I mean I can only speak for myself...and it's definitely something that I find endearing, admirable, and, heh, occasionally a bit romantic.

Chivalry in an everyday sense--holding doors, walking on the outside of the sidewalk, pulling out chairs, &c--wasn't something I had really encountered until I wound up at a big college Newman Center, with a bunch of rather traditionally minded Catholic men. And I'd be walking somewhere, and they'd switch to the other side, so they were walking between me and the street. They'd reach for the doorhandle when we got to a building (to the point where I started to expect that from my non-Catholic acquaintances in my major, with somewhat embarrassing results on occasion!). I've had a chair pulled out for a time or two. I have one guy friend with whom I'll compete on trying to get to the doorhandle first--and he just won't let me! There are also a couple of guys who get downright itchy if one of their female friends walks on the street side of the sidewalk.

Oh, and they will never let one of the women walk alone at night, if they can help it.

And it's beautiful. 

(Even though I am a black belt, and perfectly capable of taking care of myself, even at night, and even on a college campus.)

Specifically, chivalry and physical protection are beautiful because they show a genuine respect--and sometimes love, too, as in Orpheus & Eurydice's case--for the feminine person which is really lacking in the modern world. 

Especially on a college campus, there's just not a whole lot of respect for women, and for their dignity. In a world where women are expected to wear revealing clothing... In a world where women are denied entry into "social clubs" because they're not pretty enough... In a world where catcalling is common... In a world where (secular) women are expected to sleep with men on the third or fifth date... In a world where 1/5 of women are assaulted during college...

...would it be too much to ask for a little more respect from men? In our quest for an acknowledgment of our fundamental human equality, have we erred in lowering our standards for the respect we receive?

I would say that it's not too much to ask, and yes, we have erred, in a way.

It's not just about physical protection (although it can be--men are designed, physically and psychologically, to be protectors, and that is a beautiful thing). 

But, as Fr. J very cogently told me one time when he was insisting on walking on the street side of the sidewalk, "it's not that we don't think you can open the door, or pull out your own chair, or walk on the sidewalk without getting hurt. We know you can do those things. It's that it's our role to do those things when we can."

It's not just about physical protection; it's also about respect. 

Respect that Orpheus shows for Eurydice during their first duet.

Respect that we need to revive. Let's get back some old-fashioned chivalry!

Ladies, tell me about a time a man has showed you chivalry! Gentlemen, if any read my blog, please tell me how you feel about this whole thing! ;)